ANTON'S BIRTHDAY
My birthday happens to fall on the 31st of October– Halloween. I’ve never enjoyed celebrating my birthday. I dread social gatherings, I have never been fond of cake, and I couldn’t care less about receiving gifts. You may call me an eccentric if you’d like to; I know it may seem strange to dread one’s birthday, but it’s not really something I can help. Especially as I get older, it’s more of a reminder of my own mortality than anything, and I simply see no reason to partake in such festivities.
But once I disregard the inevitable celebrations, I find that October is not unlike any other month, and it’s incredibly easy for me to lose track of time if I’m not reminded of what’s to come…
—
It started innocently enough. Hong and I were at the grocery store, scavenging the aisles for next week’s food supply. It was a Sunday, and so of course everyone in town had the same idea as us to go shopping. I absolutely despise being in crowded spaces alone, so being accompanied by Hong eased my nerves. They’d been talking my ear off the whole time and I’d hardly been paying attention to their words until…
“…Anton, your birthday’s next week,” they said, looking up at me, a spark of anticipation flickering in their eyes, “Isn’t it?”
It’s very typical of them to remind me of the things I’d much rather forget. Priceless. I’d been barely hanging on to the previous fifteen minutes of their mindless chatter (some very chaotic, very one-sided ravings about the Oingo Boingo film Forbidden Zone), but the second they mentioned my birthday I could tune them out no longer.
“Indeed it is,” I replied matter-of-factly as we walked through the packed produce aisle, “It’s on Halloween, to be exact.”
“You don’t seem all that excited about it,” they replied, frowning.
“It’s not that important to me,” I picked up an apple, hoping to change the subject, “These are in season. It would be nice to have some on hand.”
“Yeah, I guess,” they offered their shopping basket to me and I put a few apples in it, “But… you’re not excited? For your own birthday?”
“No, not particularly.”
“Ohhh, I get it! It’s because you’re really old and you don’t like being reminded of how damn old you are, isn’t it?” They laughed mischievously. A couple of errant shoppers began to stare at the both of us, which made me feel deeply paranoid.
“I’m only five years older than you, you know. Anyway, was there anything else we needed from here? I’m quite keen to go home.”
They finally got the hint that I don’t want to talk about my birthday anymore and pulled our little shopping list from their pocket. They shook their head ‘no’, and we made our way to the checkout.
The walk back home was awkward, to say the least. Hong insisted on carrying all the grocery bags, and they were clearly struggling with it.
“Would you like help? I can carry some of those for you,” I offered.
“No thanks,” they replied, smiling a strained smile, “I wanna get stronger. Like you.”
“I can’t say I’m not flattered, but please don’t push yourself too hard. You look like you’re struggling a bit here.”
“Me? Struggling? Ha! I’m fine! Anyway, have you put any thought into what you want for your birthday?”
I stared at them blankly.
“No. Can we stop talking about this? I don’t want it to be a bigger deal than it has to be.”
“I’m not trying to do that, I’m just asking ‘cos I’m scared I might accidentally give you something you hate.”
“You know me too well to do that.”
“If you can’t think of anything, then I’ll surprise you!”
“Very well then,” I sighed, “Let me at least take the bag with the cans of soup in it, I’m worried you’re going to drop it.”
They reluctantly handed it to me and we walked the rest of the way home in awkward silence.
That evening, after getting back home, we had barely spoken to each other. I was not bothered by it, but I did find it unusual. Hong is the type of person who speaks every thought that comes to their mind so carelessly, and I swear they have the inability to keep their mouth shut. Silence from them for this long is definitely a rarity.
“You know, I always thought it was really cool that your birthday’s on Halloween,” Hong said from the kitchen. They’d volunteered to wash the day’s dishes, and by now they’d been at it for some time, “I think besides Christmas, Halloween is my favorite holiday of all time.”
“It seems like you’re more excited for my birthday than I am, considering how it’s still a week away yet you’ve brought it up several times just in the past few hours,” I muttered from the living room, absentmindedly flipping through the pages of my book. It’s one I’d read countless times, so I wasn’t exactly hyperfocused on the words in front of me.
“I’m bringing it up because it’s your birthday for crying out loud! You should be excited about it!”
“But excited a week in advance?” I closed my book, setting it on the adjacent coffee table.
“I get excited the entire month before my birthday! That’s how it should be. I think you’re crazy,” their voice softened, “I mean, you’re not even one bit excited, are you?”
“No, but I wouldn’t say I ever really get ‘excited’ about anything. It would be rather unusual for me to be excited out of the blue.”
“Yup, definitely crazy,” Hong replied, scrubbing the last dish and then drying their hands. I could hear a weary smile through their voice.
“It’s not something I can help. I’ve… always felt this way, if I’m being honest.”
Hong walked over to the living room and joined me on the couch, a sympathetic look on their face. They were sitting much closer than I’d prefer them to; a bad habit of theirs. Their lack of spatial awareness leaves much to be desired.
“That must suck,” their voice was quiet and much kinder than usual, “I couldn’t imagine being like that at all! I’m always so excited about everything… It takes a lot of energy, sure, but it feels good to look forward to things! It gives me hope for the future, and in turn, being hopeful makes me even happier. You should try it sometime!”
I was tempted to roll my eyes at them, but they were just so damn earnest and I knew their intentions were pure. They’re too naïve to realize it’s unrealistic to force me to find excitement and enjoyment in an event I truly do not care about.
They stared at me silently for a moment, deep in thought. Then, an enormous grin crept across their face.
“I’m gonna make this your best birthday ever, Anton! You’d best be prepared, ‘cos it’s gonna be awesome beyond compare!” They jumped up, standing before me. The low evening lighting shrouded their face in shadow and made their ecstatic expression slightly more terrifying than it should be— Almost like something out of a horror movie.
“Right, thanks,” I replied awkwardly, honestly feeling more scared than excited since I’ve got no idea what they have planned, “I appreciate that greatly…”
—
And so the next few days went by with little fanfare but the occasional smug look from Hong. They hadn’t brought up my birthday once, but I could tell they were still thinking about it. Once I’d meet their gaze, they’d immediately look away, blushing and grinning. I couldn’t help but feel slightly apprehensive; their demeanor certainly wasn’t helping matters much. I knew they were only trying to be kind, but this wasn’t something I asked for or even wanted in the first place.
By the day before my birthday, though, my nerves had calmed some. I figured that if Hong really was planning some elaborate celebration, the signs of it would start showing up around our dorm by now. Everything stayed exactly the same, well, sans Hong’s jittery nature as the hours inched closer and closer to my birthday. It was growing harder and harder to ignore, and so over dinner that evening, I finally decided to address the elephant in the room. I wasn’t feeling as apprehensive as before– and even then I wasn’t totally anxious. All that had been replaced by curiosity.
“What exactly have you planned for tomorrow?” I asked, watching them intently.
Of course, the second our eyes met they immediately turned their gaze to their pasta as if it was the most interesting thing in the world.
“I can’t tell you,” they squirmed a bit, hardly able to contain their excitement, “It’s a secret until then!”
“A secret, hm?” I continued, deciding to have some fun with them, “I can tell how anxious you’ve been all week. That’s no secret.”
They pretended to ignore me. I could tell they were struggling to remain stoic, though, their lips were threatening to curl into a grin.
“Wouldn’t it be easier just to tell me now? Get it all over with? We both know how much you hate keeping secrets, Hong.”
“Jeez, you’ll find out tomorrow! Quit being so weird about it!” They said, finally looking up at me and smirking cheekily, “Why do you wanna know so bad, anyway? I thought you said you weren’t excited!”
“Ah, touché. It’s not exactly excitement, but instead intrigue. My curiosity is practically eating me alive at this point, and I’d like to know what’s got you so excited. Perhaps, in turn, I’d feel that same excitement too if you just told me.”
“But that’s not even how surprises work. If I told you now, it’d ruin the suspense and all that. You’re always telling me to be patient, Anton, why don’t you practice what you preach for once?”
“Alright, that’s enough. I’ll stop prying,” I sighed, half-smiling.
I ended up going to bed early, figuring there was no use in forcing myself to stay up late. I didn’t have any research projects to work on, and Hong had gone straight to their room after dinner. As I laid in bed, I couldn’t help but theorize about exactly what they were going to do for me in the morning. None of my theories were particularly pleasant, though, and it took me some time to actually fall asleep.
In the morning, when I woke up, I was half-expecting Hong to be hovering over me with my entire room drowned in confetti and silly string. I mean, I wouldn’t put it past them to do something ridiculous like that. However, when I woke up, it felt just like any other day and I was pleasantly surprised by that. Maybe they really hadn’t planned anything after all…? My relief was dashed almost instantly as my door suddenly opened.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYYY!!!!” Hong shouted from the doorway, smiling maniacally.
I shielded my eyes from the hallway light that was beginning to flood into the room as I sat up in bed, hardly having any time to make myself appear decent. I quickly put my glasses on, but that didn’t help matters much. My eyes had already begun to water.
“Chrissakes, Hong,” I groaned angrily, squinting as I began to wake up fully, “The hell’s gotten into you? Don’t do shit like that.”
“Hehe, sorryyyyy,” they replied, still grinning, “I just couldn’t wait for you to get up on your own! I have a surprise for you in the living room when you’re ready!”
They darted off, leaving my bedroom door fully open. It irritates me greatly when they do this, and I’ve told them so many times. Immature as they are, they’ll likely never learn. If I were perhaps a foolish, God-fearing man, I’d likely believe they are a demon sent from the depths of hell sent to personally torment me for some egregious sin I’d committed in a past life.
I didn’t even bother to get fully dressed. I merely just threw on a t-shirt and some sweatpants, and I left my hair down. I surmised whatever ‘surprise’ they had in store for me couldn’t possibly be all that impressive… Well, not impressive enough to warrant tying my hair back and wearing jeans at seven in the morning, anyway.
As I walked down the hallway and into the living room, I could feel Hong’s excitement radiating off them and filling the entire room with manic energy.
“Alright, what’s this ‘surprise’ of yours, anyhow?”
They pointed at the coffee table. Atop it was a small box covered in clumsily-applied giftwrap; clearly Hong’s doing. I picked it up, and despite its small size, it was deceptively heavy. I hesitated a moment, mentally bracing myself for whatever could possibly lie inside.
“Well, are you gonna open it or are you just gonna stare at it?”
“I’m honestly afraid to,” I replied, half-jokingly, “It could be anything.”
“Well, yeah, that’s the beauty of it,” they huffed impatiently, “C’monnnnn, just open it already!!”
“Oh, alright,” I fumbled with the wrapping a bit, Hong staring at me desperately all the while.
“Jesus Christ, you’re opening it so slowly!” They whined, clutching their face in exasperation as I just barely managed to get one side torn open.
“Patience is a virtue, Hong. If you complain again then I’m going to open it even slower.”
“That’s not fair! You know I’ve been waiting all week for this!”
“And who was the one who insisted upon doing all this in the first place?” I raised an eyebrow at them, smirking as a frown began to form on their face, “See, look, I’ve got all the paper off, so there’s no need to throw a fit. Now to actually open the box itself…”
I took off its lid carefully, and the first thing I saw was a small note written in Hong’s scrawled script:
“Did you read the note?” They asked, standing on their tiptoes and creeping closer to me.
I nodded. Underneath the note, swathed in sheer blue tissue paper, were a small porcelain figurine of a cat at rest and a sachet made with floral cloth.
“These are lovely. I’m assuming you made the sachet by hand?”
“Mhm!” Hong beamed proudly, “It’s filled with lavender and a few other secret ingredients! If you keep it in your room, it’ll bring prosperity and ward off negative energy and evil spirits or whatever.”
“…Secret ingredients?”
“I can’t tell you what they are, ‘cos then the magic’ll stop working!”
I stared at them for a few seconds, unsure what to make of that.
“…Vaguely threatening, but I suppose I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Regardless, I appreciate these gifts greatly. I think this porcelain cat will look nice on my desk.”
I set the box back on the coffee table.
“Did you see the end of the note?” Hong asked, a menacing grin creeping across their face.
“I did, and I couldn’t help but find it a bit ominous,” I tried to avoid their gaze, but they seemed to be locked on to me, “‘Just the beginning’? What on earth does that mean?”
“Weeeell, I was thinking we could go out to town and do a bunch of stuff, like go to the aquarium and then we could–”
I cut them off there.
“I’d much rather stay home.”
“I know, but that’s what you do every day! Don’t you want today to be special?”
“Are you listening? I told you, I just want to stay home.”
“But I had it all planned out and—”
“This is my birthday, I ought to be able to spend the day how I want to. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Hong’s grin quickly faded, and they crossed their arms in disappointment.
“What you have planned may be your idea of the perfect birthday celebration, but it couldn’t be farther from mine,” I continued, “I’m sorry to dash your excitement, but it seems like you had planned this for yourself without really taking into consideration what I would like to do.”
“You hate my plans. You’re not happy at all,” Hong muttered, dejection clear in their voice, “I had all this planned for days and days, and it was all so perfect in my head. Where did I go wrong?”
“I don’t know what to tell you,” I placed a hand on their shoulder in an awkward attempt to comfort them, “I mean, I know you were only trying to be kind, but this isn’t exactly something I’d asked for.”
“I thought it would make you happy.”
“You can’t exactly force happiness upon people no matter how hard you try to.”
Hong looked up at me, their eyes welling up with tears. I realized then I may have fucked things up, but by then it was a bit too late. Was it selfish of me to not have gone along with their plans? Maybe now was not the best time to turn this into a lecture. I’ve always been terrible at consoling people, and now was no exception.
“You’re right, Anton, I know I can’t make everyone happy. Especially you,” they sniffled, “Even if I try really, really hard to. I know I’ll never be able to make you happy, even though it’s all I want. All I do is piss you off, ‘cos I can’t do anything right.”
“I never said I was unhappy, and I’m most certainly not–”
“You don’t have to lie to me. I’m not an idiot.”
Before I could reassure them I wasn’t upset or angry and I truly was grateful for their gifts, they ran off to their room. I decided not to follow after them. I didn’t want to make them any more distressed than they already were.
“Damnit,” I muttered under my breath in frustration as I collected the box and walked towards my own room to put it away.
When I got to my room, I immediately collapsed onto my bed. Of course, I wanted to blame Hong first for this whole disastrous ordeal— they had brought this upon themself, after all— but there was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that suggested I was partially to blame as well. And it was true that Hong had gotten so worked up over a problem of their own invention, but it was also true that perhaps I could have been a bit… well, kinder, perhaps, in the way I spoke to them.
I decided the best thing I could do now was at least let them know I truly did appreciate their kindness, even if I was unable to accept it. I wanted to apologize, as well, but I figured any apology I gave them would be empty and pointless. The damage had already been done, and I had meant everything I said (although, again, I had likely come off a bit harsher than I’d intended to).
I walked to Hong’s room and knocked on the door. Silence. I knocked again, and when I still got no answer, I slowly opened the door and peered into their room.
“I didn’t say you could come in,” they hissed. They were sitting on the edge of their bed, knees to their chest.
“Consider this as payback for the countless times you’ve barged into my room without permission,” I replied, “I just wanted to check in on you. Are you alright?”
“Quite frankly, I feel like shit. You can leave now.”
“If it’s space you need, I’ll let you have it. I just…” I paused, carefully trying to think of what to say next, “I just wanted to thank you for the great effort you always put into trying to make me happy. It warms my heart to know you care so deeply about me. No one has ever cared for me as deeply as you do, Hong, and for that I am truly grateful.”
When they looked up at me with their tear-stained eyes I knew they could tell how genuinely I meant this.
“I do believe the world would be a better place if everyone was as thoughtful as you are. I know we may sometimes be at odds with each other, but I hope you know that I care for you as well. I may not always be able to express it, and indeed sometimes you do genuinely piss me off, but just know that I value your kindness and companionship no matter what.”
Hong sniffled and wiped their eyes and nose with their sweater sleeves.
“I guess I made a big deal out of nothing again,” they replied, “I got all worked up and didn’t really stop to consider what you might want. I’m sorry for being stupid and ruining your birthday with my own selfishness.”
“There’s no need to apologize, I don’t think you were being selfish at all. You were doing what you thought would make me happy, and I think that is very noble of you.”
“You… think I’m noble?” Hong raised an eyebrow.
“Yes, of course I do. Striving for the happiness of others is a very noble goal. I also, however, think you’re a bit foolish. If you rely solely on the happiness of others to bring you joy, you’ll wind up sorely disappointed and unable to find happiness of your own.”
“I guess you have a point. I’m just glad you’re not mad at me for fucking up your birthday,” they said, sitting up and stretching.
“I am not angry with you in the slightest.”
After a few moments of awkward silence, Hong gasped and leapt from their bed.
“Wait, I completely forgot that I’d baked you a cake!” Their eyes widened in panic, “It’s been sitting out on the kitchen table all morning! Ohhh, I hope it hasn’t gotten stale!”
They squeezed past me, running through the doorway and down the hall to the kitchen. I followed after them, although not as quickly.
“It should be fine, right?” They said, looking over their shoulder at me once I reached the kitchen.
It was then I caught a good glimpse of the cake. It was small and round and had white frosting and sprinkles; it was very much a stereotypical-looking birthday cake.
“I think it will be alright, we both know you’re the one who’s going to be eating the most of it, anyway,” I smiled, “Although I don’t usually enjoy sweets, I suppose I’ll indulge myself tonight to satiate you. Maybe this will be the cake that finally changes my mind on desserts?”
Hong laughed, their mood seeming to have improved.
“Once you eat it, it will be! God, I love birthday cakes so much. I’d love to shake the hand of the genius who invented that tradition!”
So I was right, they were doing most of this for themself. Despite wanting to bemoan their self-centeredness, I could not keep from smiling, and in that moment, I believed I truly was happy.
—
…Although my stance on birthdays hasn’t changed much, I did realize something very important: Who you spend your birthday with changes everything. I’d spent so many birthdays alone, and of course it’s depressing to spend one’s birthday day-drinking with no one around to commiserate. But when you have someone in your life like Hong, a person who sees magic in the mundane and serendipity in simplicity, perhaps October will stop feeling like any other month, and your birthday will stop feeling like any other day.
—
Original publish date: November 22 2025
Author's Note: I had originally started writing this in October, and was planning on finishing it/publishing it here on Halloween. Unfortunately, that is when I ended up getting super sick and didn’t have the energy to complete it. It ended up becoming way longer than I'd intended it to, anyway; it's 11 pages long on Docs and the longest story published here to date! This story was my absolute burden for a while, and now that it’s finally finished, an enormous weight has been lifted off my shoulders. While coding this page, I was listening to this song and I wasn’t paying attention and now it’s been scrobbled 31 times and my LastFM stats are fucked up. 3 fucking pages of this song. Jesus Christ. Fuck you Andy Partridge stop putting crack in your music.