CHAPTER ONE - A LETTER FOR ANTON

Today’s been yet another big studying day. I decided that it’d be nice to get away from home for a bit, so instead of locking myself up in my room and studying my books there, I went to to the university library. …And, as I look at the big clock near the entrance of the building, I sigh. I’ve been sitting here at this desk by the nonfiction section for four whole hours, just cramming my brains with all the knowledge that’ll fit inside ‘em! Four hours of sitting completely still reading and taking notes? I stretch uncomfortably, a pins and needles feeling spreading from my toes all the way to my back. I wince at the uncomfortable sensation, figuring now’s as good a time as any to call it quits and head back. Maybe, since it’s Friday and I’ve spent the whole week being a good student, I should go out and do something fun for the rest of the day?

I slowly try to rise from my seat, but I can barely even feel my legs! I decide that, instead of getting up right away and trying to stand on numb wobbly legs, I will pack up all my books and stuff first. That’ll surely give my legs plenty of time to start cooperating again.

After everything is back in my bookbag and my legs have finally regained sense, I make the short trek back to the apartments. It feels good to be back outside after studying so hard, and the late spring sun on my face makes me smile. I think I really will go out and do something fun, but what? As I enter the building and go up the stairs, I think of all the things I could do. Going to the beach, walking around at the park, going shopping at the thrift store… Whatever I end up doing, I wonder if Anton would want to come with me? Probably not, but as I open the door to our unit, I’m fully prepared to ask him to accompany me anyway. He’s not in the living room, though, like he was before I left. Probably in his room, then, I think to myself as I close the door behind me and head in that direction, Hopefully he’s not busy with anything right now. I first drop off my bookbag in my room, setting it on my bed. I’ll unpack everything from it later. Before I leave my room to go bother Anton, I press my ear against our shared wall to hear if anything’s going on in his room. It’s dead silent– fair game. I tiptoe back to the hallway, knocking on his door a few times.

He utters a faint come in, and I enter, closing the door carefully behind me. He’s sitting at his desk, and once I’m inside he turns his chair around to face me. His face has got quite a dour look on it, and there’s a piece of paper in his hands.

“So you’ve returned,” he says, his dour expression disappearing, “I trust the time you spent studying was worthwhile.”

“You bet it was, my hand’s cramped from all the notes I took!” I reply, roaming over to his bed and taking a seat on it, “Jeez, it’s so dark in here! Do you mind if I open up the blinds a little bit or turn on a light or something?”

“No. You’ll ruin the ambiance,” he half-smiles, “And if you could clearly see how disheveled this place is, you’d likely faint. Haven’t cleaned in some time.”

I shift my legs awkwardly, realizing it probably is for the best I can’t fully see how disgusting it is in here. Just thinking about the state of this room is making my skin crawl.

“No need to worry, though, the bedsheets are clean.”

I groan, lifting my feet off the floor and lifting my knees to my chest.

“Well, I suppose since you’re back here you’ve decided to end your study session for the day, hm?” He continues, fidgeting with the paper still in his hands, “Do you feel any more prepared for the exam?”

“I guess so. There’s still about two and a half weeks until then, right? I think if I keep studying every day, then I’ll feel even more prepared than I do now.”

“Indeed, consistency is key.”

“Anyway, um, what’s with that piece of paper you’ve got?” I ask, “Not trying to be nosey or anything, I’m just curious.”

His face completely changes, and it feels as though a chill has entered the room. For a moment, it is so quiet you could hear a pin drop. He sets it on the table behind him and exhales sharply.

“It is a letter from my father.”

“Oh, a letter from your dad? That’s nice of him to think of you! Are you gonna write back?”

He is silent again; he’s staring right through me. The way he’s looking at me makes my stomach drop. Did I say something wrong? Why is he upset?

“I have no intention to,” he says quietly after another very long pause.

“Really?” I frown, “But it’s your dad, so don’t you think it’d be kind of you to write–”

“The conversation ends here,” he interrupts hastily, getting out of his seat, “Now, if you will excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be at the moment.”

“Can I come with you?” I stand up, beginning to follow him out of his room.

“No,” he replies curtly as he storms off.

My feet are frozen in the doorway, and from down the hall I can hear him leave. He slams the door behind him, and I am all alone, left wondering what the hell just happened. I turn around, staring at his desk. I’m kind of tempted to read the letter, honestly. I’d hate to be nosey, but if it was enough to get Anton this upset, then… It must be something really important, and if I leave it unread it’s going to be eating away at me for the rest of the day. I only want Anton to be happy. If I don’t know why this letter’s got him all worked up, then I won’t be able to help him feel better, right? That is my justification for deciding to read it.

I sneak over to the window, opening the blinds just enough to let the midday sun creep in. I sneeze loudly; everything in this room is so dusty! I try to ignore the dirty clothing and cigarette butts on the floor and on his dresser– how on earth can he live like this?! Anyway… I grab the letter off his desk and hold it up to the window so that I can fully see the writing: